Garlic Pickles? Yes thank you

There is a law in CT that states that if a pickled cucumber does not bounce it may not be called a pickle. I figured if it wasn't a cucumber in some sort of brine it wasn't a pickle but I see what CT is getting at... sometimes pickles are plain old disappointing. Particularly the GIANT ones that look like they should fulfill your every pickle desire for weeks to come and you take that first bite and... and...
It's tasteless mush.
Gah. It just as bad as the first time you have sex. Really? That's it? Man. Johanna Lindsey is full of shit.
I digress.
Aside from pilfering Mom's romance novels I also used to abscond with jars of garlic pickles (college years are lean years my friends).
Garlic Pickles are to Dreadpirateolson as sparkled dew is to spiderwebs
I have no idea what that means but if you like garlic pickles these are easy to make and delicious.

Ingredients
9 cups water
3 cups vinegar
1/2 cup kosher salt
1/4 cup sugar
pickling cucumbers (depends on how much you want to make)
seal-able jars (also depends on how much you want to make)

The following amounts are per 2 quart pickling jar:
1 tsp alum
1 tsp dill seed
1/2 tsp mustard seed
3 cloves sliced garlic

1. Sterilize your jars
Boil, dishwasher, microwave... however you sterilize, do it well my friend

2. Bring the following ingredients to a boil:
9 cups water
3 cups vinegar
1/2 cup kosher salt
1/4 cup sugar

3. Wash your cucumbers
Sounds personal right? Well... wash 'em good. Those weird picker things on the outside of cucumbers are horrible.

4. Slice your cucumbers into spears

5. Jam cucumber slices into sterilized jars

6. Add the following ingredients to each 2 quart jar
1 tsp alum
1 tsp dill seed
1/2 tsp mustard seed
3 cloves sliced garlic

As an aside: don't taste the alum. Trust me on this one.

7. Pour boiled liquid into jars to cover cucumber slices

8. Seal Covers and Refrigerate for 24hrs

9. Eat and Taunt the pickle-less with your garlic pickle breath


*If you would like to use pint jars instead of 2 quart jars use the following amounts for the spice mix:
1/4 tsp alum
1/4 tsp dill seed
1/8 tsp mustard seeds (1/8 tsp? Meh, just chuck a few seeds in there)
1 clove garlic slices

not my pic