This cat really knows where his towel is.

DON'T PANIC

That's right Hoopy Froods, it's Towel Day. A day to remind us of a wonderful author, a visionary if you will... and it's also a day to remember how insignificant we are in the Universe.

This year I'm sporting a lovely plush red handtowel. I'm sure someone has thought to manufacture and sell Hitchhiker towels but really... that sort of defeats the purpose yes?

I have no recipe today, just wanted to post a reminder to look up Douglas Adams' works. They're very entertaining and really... he was a creative genius.

In the words of the dolphins; "So long and thanks for all the fish."

Here comes the Duck

First things first, I hope Nephew is feeling much better today. Poor little guy has the flu... or food poisoning. Either way, I'm sorry for my Sister and her Hubby as well. HUGS!

I have a confession and I am loathe to admit it but... here goes. Ahem.

I have been watching wedding shows on tv.

I know!! It's horrible!! ( it's due to the upcoming nuptials and I still have no idea when those will be but I'll let you know)

No worries though- I still haven't seen an entire episode of anything other than "buff brides" which I feel doesn't count because it's more about people working out than weddings. The few shows I have seen don't really raise my faith in people.

And yes, there are a few different show types. Let me describe a few to save you the pain of ever even considering for a nanosecond to give into the curiosity:

Bridezilla a.k.a. I'm a spoiled Who-are: Really? Chill out before you get knocked the f out. Trust me, you may think your wedding is the most important day of your life but the divorce finalization day will be equally so, at least for him. On behalf of all of us, I beg of you, don't reproduce.

I'm inept! Save me Gay Stereotype Man!: Enter an average 23-27 year old cute, young and ignorant woman. They have a vague wedding plan but all in all have no idea what they're doing. Oh! What to do? Who will save the day?! Dun dun DAAAAA!!! In flies an appropriately flamboyant (but tasteful) gay* mid to late 30 something who will help her realize her dream. And treat her like an idiot and make fun of her the entire time. Caddy? Well, Helloooo, that IS part of the image, right?

As a 30-something I feel like I couldn't plan a "cohesive wedding". I'm bit more... experienced in life than the women that are featured on these shows. For instance, I've eaten asparagus before and understand that a wedding really isn't about you, it's about your guests. So, how on earth are they supposed to know what to do?

Lame.

Dress shop: A dysfunctional family of co-workers strive to "find the perfect dress" for their bride-to-be. When I say find, I mean convince women and sometimes their parents to spend a ridiculous amount of money on white cloth. If you buy a $15,000 dress, you should be shot. End of story, it's a fucking dress (not to mention half my salary). They ALL look the SAME. Pay the little old lady at the tailor shop $1000 and get the same thing. Or perhaps... fly to India, pick up the dress yourself, save a few bucks and get a fun trip out of your money.

Meh. I really need to stop watching these shows.

Duck.

Ok, so a little knowledge for next time: when you buy a "whole duck" at the Asian market... they mean a WHOLE duck. I didn't see the head and little webbed, clawed feet until I took it out of the package. I should've known, in most other countries meat has a face when you buy it.

He was smiling at me.

The smile did help me feel like he was one with the universe and didn't mind us eating him.

Yes, he.

His name was Duck Edgar Dumas Aloysius Eoghain Dodgers**

For the most part, my attitude is, whatevs, all meat had a smile at one point; however, I did wuss out when it came to chopping his head off. Mister did it... next time though, I will not fail! If I can jamb a knife into a live lobster** then I can behead a dead duck.

How was it you ask?

It. Was. Delicious. (and slightly overdone) The skin was crispy and the it wasn't super fatty however, it could've cooked for about 10-15 minutes less than it did. There wasn't a whole lot of meat, but was the perfect amount for 2-3 people.

How did I do it you ask?

Well.... here goes

Oh, and this takes a LONG time to do because of the drying time

Ingredients

1, 5 to 6 lb duck

3 Tbspn soy sauce

3 tbspn sesame oil

3 tbspn orange juice

1 tbspn sugar

2 tbspn rice wine

1 tsp garlic

1/2 tsp liquid smoke

1/2 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp 5 spice powder

Prepare the duck

1. Cut off any parts you don't want (ie. wing tips, webbed feet or duck brain containers) and trim the excess fat around the openings

2. Rinse the duck in warm water REALLY WELL inside and out

3. pat the duck dry and let sit on a rack

The boiled glaze

1. mix the rest of the ingredients in a heavy saucepan and bring to a boil

2. lower and let simmer for 5 minutes stirring occasionally

Bathe the duck (this supposedly helps the duck to be less fatty and the skin to crisp)

If you have a meat hook, just secure the duck onto the hook and follow step 3. However if, like myself you're fresh out of meat hooks (ew.) then try this:

1. place a wire baking rack over a container large enough to hold all the glaze

2. place the duck on the rack

3. ladle the hot glaze over the entire duck (front and back)

4. I repeated the glazing twice

Dry the Duck

Again, if you have a meat hook, just hang your glazed duck in a cool dry area (not in your fridge). The point of the section is to dry out the duck a little and I guess age it? It's what all the Peking duck recipes called for...

I covered the top of a wine bottle with aluminum foil, put the bottle in a sauce pan wide enough to catch and blood or glaze and stuck the duck onto the top of the bottle.

1. Air dry the duck in a cool (65-75F) room for 5 hours to overnight

Roast the Duck

1. Preheat your oven to 450F

2. Fill a large baking dish half-way with warm water

3. Place an ovensafe rack over the water filled baking dish

4. Place the duck onto the rack

5. Slash cuts into the duck breast where is is fattiest- Do NOT cut into the breast meat, just slice through the skin and into the fat

6. Poke holes that will go all the way through the duck and allow excess fat to drain into the water pan

7. Put whole contraption into the oven for 5 minutes

8. After 5 minutes, turn the heat down to 350F

9. Cook for 40 minutes and check every 10 minutes thereafter until desired doneness****

10. Skin should be golden brown and crispy all over, if it is not, turn your oven to a high temp 450-500F and bake for 5-7 minutes more

Rest

1. When duck is done, let it rest for 10 minutes

2. Carve it up

Most recipes similar to this one called for the duck to be served as small pieces on pancakes. I was too lazy to make the pancakes... so we just ate it like roast chicken.

The next expensive meat type will be a rack of lamb... probably in July or so. We'll have to see.

*How did this stereotype become safe for the conservative baby boomers? I know it's been coming along nicely for years now, and I'm stoked that openly gay men have SOME place in societal uhh, norms? but really... they're not ALL like that. I guess flamboyant men can be friends with your wife but whatever you do, don't let them get married or take care of a child no one else wants.

ANNNND now I'll get off the soap box

**Duck Dodgers of the twenty fourth and half century!!

*** I'M SORRY MISTER LOBSTER, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!!!

**** I'm not sure how to phrase that... until it's reached perfection? until it's how you like it? eh, you pick

Holy Shit it's only Thursday.

I have a cop out recipe today.

I wanted to inform you of impending doom.

Mamma DPO very kindly gave me a duck and after 2 weeks of reading how people do various things to ducks, (be glad I looked so you don't have to... two words: force and feeding EW.) I think I'm ready. I just have to decide for the first duck if I want to go with a soy based marinade, herb paste or just a plain roasted duck... Soy based stuff is my comfort zone however I will most likely start simple. What I do know is pinot noir seems to be the recommended wine to be consumed with duck.
I'll let you know how it goes.

One of my general rules is: Try not to bemoan thy fate when time seems to slow down. Why? Because really, our time IS a limited quantity. Keeping this in mind, today is Thursday and this has been a very long week. I think because I've spent a lot of it at the workplace and not much of it sleeping. I'm looking forward to not driving anywhere this weekend. I have a duck to cook, laundry to do and a rock to carve. Ok, so the rock's been sitting there for about a year but now I have a new tool to use and well... you know about how much I love tools*.
Papa DPO and I went to a killer woodworking supply shop last weekend. They have pretty much everything and I wanted it all. Meh. I thought I would do a little carving again. It's been a while. I mayyyyy go back there and get a large piece of basswood, but we'll see. I want to make a design first so a block of wood doesn't take up my desk space for 2 years.
So many crafts to try, so little skillz.

Indication of how the week is going- by Tuesday I needed one of these:

The Tropical Mega-Screw

Ingredients
4 to 6 oz coconut rum (keep in mind 8oz equals 1 cup)
orange juice to taste
crushed ice

Mix it
Drink it
Repeat

May your weeks be long and your drinks be plentiful :)


*insert tool jokes here

There's theirs. Tzatziki-like stuff

Homonyms seem to be a weak point for most people who communicate through writing. I mix 'em up sometimes but I try to make a point to re-read what I write before I hit send on the ole email. I wish business associates would do the same. "Its ready" and "This item is there's." looks very unprofessional. I try to be understanding because I know I've done the same thing before but it's just like a new ding in your door.
"There's" has an apostrophe in it... that means it's a possessive type of word right?
NO. It's a contraction.
Ok, well then "it's" must be correct because this phrase was meant to be possessive...
NO. The word "it" doesn't follow that rule.
Meh whatevs... too much effort to get bent out of shape about it right?

Weekend was good, hung out at Sister's house for most of it and saw Poppa DPO. Me and Nephew also had some bonding moments and Nephew tried to taste his Dad's "barley pop" (aka beer) on the sly. I had flash backs of sneaking sips of my Dad's beer. Nephew is currently displaying his crafty side and penchant for word trickery. Two year old kids are definitely part fairy when it comes to the word games.
"No, you can't have the squirt gun."
"But Grandpa wants it, I take it to him"
"Nice try kid, but no."

Random fact about me, I like the phrase "Well, that just eats my lunch."

Sooooo, moving on.
If you've never tried tzatziki (sounds sort of like cha-zee-kee) it's a yoghurt and cucumber type of cold dip. Very easy to make but you do have to make it a day before you serve it otherwise it doesn't really taste like much. Makes your mouth feel sort of cool and is especially good with heavy dishes like gyro meat*... and I do likes it on the pita chips

Ingredients
1, 12 oz. container or 1 and 1/14 cup plain Greek yoghurt (I use the no fat kind and it seems to work just fine)
1 tsp minced garlic
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp coarse salt
about 3 inches of a cucumber

Strip and umm... think of Lefkada?
1. peel, de-seed and finely chop the cucumber ( you can de-seed and grate the cucumber too but squish out a little of the liquid)
2. Dump all ingredients into container you can cover and refrigerate
3. Stir it all up
4. chill over night so the flavor is uniform
5. eat it


* those Greeks do know their stuff, I guess after being a civilization for so long, they would. Along those lines, I imagine the Chinese are geniuses for the same reason. Do some research, get back to me, k?

Scoot Over Meatface, it's Gyro time!!

How on earth do I let this blogaroo go for so long? Oh that's right, I'm lazy.

A message:

Dear Douchebag on a Scooter in the Middle of Afternoon Traffic:
I would like to advise you that a bicycle helmet isn't really a motorcycle helmet and is not a wise choice. I realize that you pedal your bike about as fast as your scooter is going right now but keep in mind you usually try to stay out of traffic with a bicycle. Is a scooter really your only means of conveyance? If it is, you may also want to consider the fact that a max speed of 30 in a 50mph is quite dangerous for you as well as others. Oh? You don't give a rat's ass because you have rights too?
How silly of me! My apologies. Next time I won't warn you when you cut me off to get into my lane (ahem, the PASSING lane). I also won't try to protect your comparatively naked body from myself or the very large truck who obviously can't see you and is trying to get into the very same spot you just snuck into. Don't forget to flip me off while I hose you off my grill.
Thanks! :)
DPO

I have a few questions for You. Yes, you.
1. Do motorcycle enthusiasts have a dress code? Sure, I have a license to ride* and I understand the practicality and safety of items like glasses and leather pants but was there a handout somewhere I missed? Do I need to purchase an US flag patch the size of my back before I can purchase the ride or is it the other way around? Too many questions.

2. Where should we have our wedding? PA or NC? Decisions, decisions... too bad I'm not the planning type. Mister currently has the con on this one because really, I'm fine with running away and joining the circus. I'm more of a tell me when/where to show up and if I need to wear a dress.** We've been trying to decide which place would be better because of family having to travel... not everyone is comfortable with a city and hotel prices tend to be a little less around here. Meh, it'll get figured out.

3. Did you know that gyro's are just meatloaf sammiches? SURPRISE!! I had no idea either but good gravy are they delicious. I hear the word gyro and immediately think of the Greek food truck at UCONN with the very loud Greek dude and his heavenly food. Seriously, this guy must've gotten the recipe from one of the gods. Also, he didn't skimp on the good stuff. I'd get one sandwich and eat it for two days. Not a bad way to spend $5.

This recipe is for a meatloaf like gyro. You can also cook it on a spit rotisserie style but I don't have that set up... I also substituted marjoram for oregano and dried onions instead of fresh (you have to squeeze out onion juice if you use fresh)

Ingredients
1 lb ground lamb
1 1/2 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp rosemary (I used fresh finely chopped)
1 1/2 kosher salt
1/2 tsp pepper

Form and Cook
1. Preheat oven to 325F
2. Plop all ingredients into a food processor and pulse until you have a paste-like consistency.
3. Put the meat into a small loaf pan and press it into the sides
4. Place the loaf pan into a larger pan with water in it (bain-marie). The water should reach about half way up the small loaf pan.
5. Bake for an hour to hour and half, you'll have to take it's temp (165F-170F is done)
6. Drain off any fat
7. cool for about 20 minutes
8. slice and serve on pita or by itself

I have a sauce that is perfect with this meat I will post next time.


* Yes, I have the actual little M on my license. Took a lot of sweat, adrenaline and dirty looks to the guy eyeing my tater tots to get it too.

**Please note, the boots are not optional.