I have a confession and I am loathe to admit it but... here goes. Ahem.
I have been watching wedding shows on tv.
I know!! It's horrible!! ( it's due to the upcoming nuptials and I still have no idea when those will be but I'll let you know)
No worries though- I still haven't seen an entire episode of anything other than "buff brides" which I feel doesn't count because it's more about people working out than weddings. The few shows I have seen don't really raise my faith in people.
And yes, there are a few different show types. Let me describe a few to save you the pain of ever even considering for a nanosecond to give into the curiosity:
Bridezilla a.k.a. I'm a spoiled Who-are: Really? Chill out before you get knocked the f out. Trust me, you may think your wedding is the most important day of your life but the divorce finalization day will be equally so, at least for him. On behalf of all of us, I beg of you, don't reproduce.
I'm inept! Save me Gay Stereotype Man!: Enter an average 23-27 year old cute, young and ignorant woman. They have a vague wedding plan but all in all have no idea what they're doing. Oh! What to do? Who will save the day?! Dun dun DAAAAA!!! In flies an appropriately flamboyant (but tasteful) gay* mid to late 30 something who will help her realize her dream. And treat her like an idiot and make fun of her the entire time. Caddy? Well, Helloooo, that IS part of the image, right?
As a 30-something I feel like I couldn't plan a "cohesive wedding". I'm bit more... experienced in life than the women that are featured on these shows. For instance, I've eaten asparagus before and understand that a wedding really isn't about you, it's about your guests. So, how on earth are they supposed to know what to do?
Lame.
Dress shop: A dysfunctional family of co-workers strive to "find the perfect dress" for their bride-to-be. When I say find, I mean convince women and sometimes their parents to spend a ridiculous amount of money on white cloth. If you buy a $15,000 dress, you should be shot. End of story, it's a fucking dress (not to mention half my salary). They ALL look the SAME. Pay the little old lady at the tailor shop $1000 and get the same thing. Or perhaps... fly to India, pick up the dress yourself, save a few bucks and get a fun trip out of your money.
Meh. I really need to stop watching these shows.
Duck.
Ok, so a little knowledge for next time: when you buy a "whole duck" at the Asian market... they mean a WHOLE duck. I didn't see the head and little webbed, clawed feet until I took it out of the package. I should've known, in most other countries meat has a face when you buy it.
He was smiling at me.
The smile did help me feel like he was one with the universe and didn't mind us eating him.
Yes, he.
His name was Duck Edgar Dumas Aloysius Eoghain Dodgers**
For the most part, my attitude is, whatevs, all meat had a smile at one point; however, I did wuss out when it came to chopping his head off. Mister did it... next time though, I will not fail! If I can jamb a knife into a live lobster** then I can behead a dead duck.
How was it you ask?
It. Was. Delicious. (and slightly overdone) The skin was crispy and the it wasn't super fatty however, it could've cooked for about 10-15 minutes less than it did. There wasn't a whole lot of meat, but was the perfect amount for 2-3 people.
How did I do it you ask?
Well.... here goes
Oh, and this takes a LONG time to do because of the drying time
Ingredients
1, 5 to 6 lb duck
3 Tbspn soy sauce
3 tbspn sesame oil
3 tbspn orange juice
1 tbspn sugar
2 tbspn rice wine
1 tsp garlic
1/2 tsp liquid smoke
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp 5 spice powder
Prepare the duck
1. Cut off any parts you don't want (ie. wing tips, webbed feet or duck brain containers) and trim the excess fat around the openings
2. Rinse the duck in warm water REALLY WELL inside and out
3. pat the duck dry and let sit on a rack
The boiled glaze
1. mix the rest of the ingredients in a heavy saucepan and bring to a boil
2. lower and let simmer for 5 minutes stirring occasionally
Bathe the duck (this supposedly helps the duck to be less fatty and the skin to crisp)
If you have a meat hook, just secure the duck onto the hook and follow step 3. However if, like myself you're fresh out of meat hooks (ew.) then try this:
1. place a wire baking rack over a container large enough to hold all the glaze
2. place the duck on the rack
3. ladle the hot glaze over the entire duck (front and back)
4. I repeated the glazing twice
Dry the Duck
Again, if you have a meat hook, just hang your glazed duck in a cool dry area (not in your fridge). The point of the section is to dry out the duck a little and I guess age it? It's what all the Peking duck recipes called for...
I covered the top of a wine bottle with aluminum foil, put the bottle in a sauce pan wide enough to catch and blood or glaze and stuck the duck onto the top of the bottle.
1. Air dry the duck in a cool (65-75F) room for 5 hours to overnight
Roast the Duck
1. Preheat your oven to 450F
2. Fill a large baking dish half-way with warm water
3. Place an ovensafe rack over the water filled baking dish
4. Place the duck onto the rack
5. Slash cuts into the duck breast where is is fattiest- Do NOT cut into the breast meat, just slice through the skin and into the fat
6. Poke holes that will go all the way through the duck and allow excess fat to drain into the water pan
7. Put whole contraption into the oven for 5 minutes
8. After 5 minutes, turn the heat down to 350F
9. Cook for 40 minutes and check every 10 minutes thereafter until desired doneness****
10. Skin should be golden brown and crispy all over, if it is not, turn your oven to a high temp 450-500F and bake for 5-7 minutes more
Rest
1. When duck is done, let it rest for 10 minutes
2. Carve it up
Most recipes similar to this one called for the duck to be served as small pieces on pancakes. I was too lazy to make the pancakes... so we just ate it like roast chicken.
The next expensive meat type will be a rack of lamb... probably in July or so. We'll have to see.
*How did this stereotype become safe for the conservative baby boomers? I know it's been coming along nicely for years now, and I'm stoked that openly gay men have SOME place in societal uhh, norms? but really... they're not ALL like that. I guess flamboyant men can be friends with your wife but whatever you do, don't let them get married or take care of a child no one else wants.
ANNNND now I'll get off the soap box
**Duck Dodgers of the twenty fourth and half century!!
*** I'M SORRY MISTER LOBSTER, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!!!
**** I'm not sure how to phrase that... until it's reached perfection? until it's how you like it? eh, you pick
No comments:
Post a Comment