Nekkid Bran Muffins

For Educational Purposes Only.
For those of you not in the know, Catholic School survivors generally go one of two ways with clothing due to wearing a uniform for 12+ years.
Some of us become obsessed with them at a young age because they are denied:
"YES!! I must express myself through securing the laces of my approved brown or blue shoes with a weird pig tale knot."
"YES!! I WILL roll down my kneesocks and risk detention and roll up my skirt and risk rape."

Take that Diocese!

The other survivors barely realize they're wearing clothes. This is often due to an alcohol induced mental deficiency or too much focused reading of all the banned books:

"What? I have a slice of buttered toast stuck to my butt? Huh. Wondered where that went to... *munch munch*"

You could probably guess, I fall into the second category. I rarely buy clothes because I figure who's going to notice one small hole in the crotch and if they do, they won't say anything. That's right Jeffe, today is your lucky day. You can make cat hiss and kissy noises and scream "Mira MAMIIIII" and you and allllllll your little Pendejos can get a peak at my unders. I feel like those guys wait for days never moving until something like that happens and then they carve notches on their ahem, trouser snakes and move on to the next block. Ew.

Can you tell this was a common experience for me at one point? Although I will say that those same pendejos helped me chase down a bag of groceries I dropped and then stopped with the catcalls. So they're not bad guys, just misguided in the ways of attracting a lady.

.....AND we're back!

At UCONN I learned that all clothing will be ruined. Ruined by paint, clay, sawdust, catching your shirt on fire in the metalshops or some douchebag puking on your favorite stripey toe socks. (Alex.) At work, I schlep boxes around and crawl on dusty floors, why would I want to risk nice clothes?

Due the Holiday generosity of my famblies I've recently been able to purchase some clothing. Granted, because I'm cheap my store options are limited. I'm not one to pay more than $30 for jeans on sale or about the same for a nice shit. So Kohl's, Old Navy and T.J. Maxx, in the words of my forefathers I say unto you; "What the shit is this." Why after one wear/wash do all the fucking buttons fall off? Or they sprout that One Thread that hangs there mocking you, daring you to pull it even though you KNOW if you do the button will fall off. I want to give Inspected by 253 a piece of my mind. What happened to quality control?
F.U. that's what. Oh Yeah!!?! Well... same to you.

Bran Muffins with nothing in 'em

Ingredients
1 cup buttermilk
1/3 cup canola oil
1 egg
1 1/2 cup wheat bran
1 cup flour
2/3 cup brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla


OVEN
Preheat oven to 400F
Line 12 cup muffin pan with papers or grease the cups

Soak Bran
1. Stir together 1 cup buttermilk and 1 1/2 cup wheat bran in a large bowl and set aside

Make the rest
1. Sift together 1 cup flour, 1 tsp soda, 1 tsp powder, 1/4 tsp salt set aside
2. Beat 1/3 cup oil, 1 egg, 2/3 cup brown sugar and 1/2 tsp vanilla until creamed together and add this to the soaked wheat bran
3. Quickly mix in all sifted dry ingredients
4. If you want anything else in your muffin, now is the time. (Dirty.)
5. Spoon batter into muffin cups about 2/3rds full

Bake for about 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean from the center